Living Without Love
by SlytherinGirl0220
Summary: ONE SHOT. BellaLucius. She always hated him, always knew she couldn't have him...but she just couldn't get him out of her head. Apparently he feels the same. rated to be safe


(A/N: yet another Bellatrix story. I can't tire of them, she's just too interesting! All belongs to J.K. Rowling. Do you really think if I owned all these characters I would be writing fan fiction!? R&R!)

She looked up at the midnight sky above her. The stars twinkled brightly and she let out a soft sigh. When would she get out of here? She wanted to be free from this prison! She looked at the room she was in, and seemed even more frustrated. The four poster beds, the other girls giggling like immature little children. She loathed it when they gossiped. Gossiping was something she didn't care for. Why gossip when she knew everything already and had spread most of the rumors herself? It was just pointless.

She couldn't help but overhear them though. They were talking about Lily Evans. How pretty she was, how nice she was...blah, blah, blah! Who cares about Lily Evans, she's a mudblood. A filthy little mudblood who deserved anything BUT this kind of attention. She rested her head against the cool glass windows and just waited. What she was waiting for, she did not know. All too soon though, it found her.

There suddenly was an owl outside her window. She jumped at the surprise. She opened the window, took the letter wrapped around the owl's leg, and let it fly off into the night sky. She opened it carefully and saw the beautiful handwriting on it. It looked so familiar.

_Bella,_

_Meet me downstairs in the common room at midnight. I need to see you, I miss you. _

_Yours,_

_L.M. _

It was Lucius Malfoy, no doubt. It couldn't have been more obvious. Bellatrix loathed the very core of him. But, if she did, why did she get that butterfly feeling in her stomach? She folded the paper back up and put it under her pillow quietly. She looked at the clock…it was 11:05 p.m. She let out an aggravated sigh. It would be a long time, and she knew it.

She spent the time wondering what in Merlin's name was going on with her. All of the sudden, she felt this rush of giddiness when she read Lucius' letter. She hated him! Why ever would she get the butterflies at the thought of him!? She tried to search her mind for answers but came up very short. She couldn't take the feeling. Love was never something she experienced. Being only fourteen years old, she was very inexperienced when it came to love. She didn't even ever want to love. She always had plans to marry a wealthy pureblood man, but never LOVE him. Why all the sudden did she feel so empty? Had she really been missing something?

The clock struck 12:00 all too soon. She jumped as it did, and all the girls decided to go to sleep. Not Bellatrix, she had a meeting to attend to. She merely said she would be going downstairs to study, which couldn't have been more of a lie. She almost laughed to herself when the girls actually fell for it. But it didn't matter, she needed to understand herself anyway, but she doubted being with Lucius would really help.

She walked into the common room. No one was there except for Lucius. He was lounging on a black leather couch in front of the fire, and the shadows the light cast on his body made him look even better than he did on a daily basis. Bellatrix walked up to him and tapped him on the shoulder. _What was that?_ She thought to herself. _Stop being such a bloody fool. You hate this guy!_

"Bella, I trust you got my note?" Lucius said as he saw her face. She laughed a little and nodded. What was going on with her? He had her giggling like the girls in her dormitory for Merlin's sake!

"What is it you wanted to talk about Lucius? You said you missed me…what's that all about?" Bellatrix asked, finally getting a grip on herself. She walked over to a black leather chair and sat down in it, letting her back rest against the squishy chair.

"I do miss you. You never speak to me, Bella. Have I done something wrong?" he asked. He seemed really hurt. But what did Bellatrix care? She hated him! She shouldn't care if he was hurt!

"No, its just…I don't know. In second year…" Bellatrix tried hopelessly to defend herself. Lucius leaned forward and brushed a strand of black hair away from her pale face, making the butterflies in her stomach worsen.

"That was second year, Bellatrix. I was young and foolish. I never meant the things I said!" He exclaimed. Bella was startled by his sudden blaze of anger. Why was he getting so emotional about this? What the bloody hell was going on!?

"I'm sorry, Lucius." She muttered. He looked at her, and then grabbed her chin, forcing her to look into his eyes.

"Bellatrix, I may be a damned fool if I do this, but I don't care." He said. She stared at him for a moment, unsure of what he was talking about. Then, suddenly, he leaned forward and captured her lips with his. She let out a gasp, and her eyes slipped closed.

She quickly lost herself in the kiss. His lips felt like silk against hers, and he tasted delicious. She let out a moan and he took advantage, slipping his tongue inside her mouth. Her tongue fought with his in a battle for dominance, and eventually, she let him win. She let him take her over completely. She lost all sense of place, time…of everything except Lucius.

She slid her hands up his chest and shoulder blades and tangled them in his long blonde hair. She ran her fingers through it, taking in the soft texture of it. His lips danced with hers, and she smiled into the kiss. He pulled away and stared at her.

"Bella, I can't tell you how long I have loved you." He said. She stared at him, nothing but pure shock on her face.

"I always thought you hated me." She said. He laughed.

"Never," he muttered, before crashing his lips against hers once again. But this time, she couldn't let it get as far as it already had. She pulled away and glared at him.

"You honestly have the worst timing in the **ENTIRE** wizard world!" she screamed. He stared at her, taken aback by her shouting. "Lucius, I'm engaged! I can't do this! If I do, I'd do nothing but dishonor my family! I can't!" she yelled. He stared at her in disbelief.

"You're engaged?! When did this happen?" he asked. She let out a sigh, tears were now pooling in her eyes. She blinked them back. No tears would be shed. She couldn't cry. It would mean she was weak, and Bellatrix Black was anything BUT weak.

"It happened last summer! I thought you knew Lucius!" she cried. He stared at her in shock, and she couldn't take it anymore. She ran out of the common room and out into the corridor. She sprinted down it until she found the girls' bathroom. She walked in and locked the door behind her, tears falling from her eyes. She wiped them up quickly. No crying, she couldn't cry. She couldn't be weak, she just couldn't.

Once she caught up with her emotions, she calmly made her way to her dormitory and slept. She needed to sleep.

Pqpqpqpqqpqpq

The next day as she walked down the stairs to the common room, she was met with a horrid surprise. Lucius came up to her and gave her a note.

"Apparently, I'm also engaged…to your sister!" he said. She stared at him for a moment then read the note in her hands. It was from his mother, telling him that her and Bellatrix's mother had agreed to marry off Lucius and Narcissa once Cissy graduated. She couldn't believe this.

"I guess we were never meant to be, Bellatrix." He said, taking the note from her now shaking hands. Why did Narcissa always get what Bellatrix wanted? She felt like crying, but held it in.

"I guess you're right, Mr. Malfoy," she said. She walked past him and out the common room door. This was one of those times where she just had to accept something she didn't want to. She had done it many times before, why should this time be different? _Because this time, you're in love with the man your sister is to marry. _Bellatrix thought to herself. She should have known this would happen.

She sat down at the Slytherin table and took a piece of toast. It didn't matter anyway. She could live without love. Anyone could, it was very possible. She could live without love, but she would always live with insanity. She took a bite of her toast and laughed to herself. What was she thinking? She was already insane.

(A/N: did you like it!? I hope so!! Pleaseeee R&R!!!)


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